Up Too Late: An Endless Search for Mr.Right & Other Important Things in Life

Labels: melancholy, music

I told myself so many times that long distance doesn't work for me [and it doesn't], yet here I am, in a pseudo long distance situation, dating a guy who's in Toronto, while I'm here, slaving away at my thesis, thousands of miles keeping us apart. I don't know how long I'll be able to go for before giving up on it, but it's good to know that someone's thinking of me. It's selfish, I'm selfish, but I can't help it.

Distant flickering, greener scenery.
This weather's bringing it all back again.
Great adventures, faces and condensation.
I'm going outside to take it all in.

Labels: men problems, music

I had an incredible summer of travels, going to the US, Turkey, Bosnia, Germany, Kosova, and now finally, Canada.

I'm going to be posting more often here, now that I have regular internet access. Suffice it to say, I have new updates ;0

Labels: general

Dear M,

I came from a therapy session of sorts with N'a in the kitchen, baking biscotti, hoping that this sense of defeat will disappear or at least hurt me less than it has today. I did not count on failing this test, reason why perhaps I reacted in such a dramatic manner. I am sorry for making you feel bad earlier today, as I didn't mean to do that. You have enough stress as it is, so you don't need me adding more to it - I was mostly just disappointed in myself for not managing to get through this hurdle in order to keep going. I was so convinced that I was going to at least pass that the fact that I didn't crushed all my hopes...

Failing the test is not a big matter on the greater scale of things, as you wrote. But it was the only true indicator of how much I had learned in this institution, and I feel like failing it just shows that I haven't necessarily learned as much as I had hoped I had. It doesn't make me want to give up in any way, as I will be even more determined now to succeed than I was before, but it saddens me that I have to redo something that I could have passed. I used to be so self-confident and so sure of success before I got to this Uni. It all seems to have trickled away now, but my hope is still there, and so is my ambition to do well. I know I will wake up tomorrow stronger than before and will try harder than I have ever done.

I am grateful for the outcome in many ways - it is a good push in the right direction, however difficult and harsh it may be. I am also grateful that I have the fortune of knowing you and counting you among the friends who understand me better than I sometimes understand myself...

If there was one singer I'd love to have coffee with, it would be Eliza Hoxha. Her most recent project, the song "Himni Im," is a testament to what good lyrics do despite shoddy music. For those of you non-Albanian speakers wondering what the song is about, I translated it below. Kosova doesn't have an anthem yet, perhaps reason why this song is so fitting and I enjoy it so much more (it's titled "My Hymn").



Eliza Hoxha - Himni Im (My Hymn)

Brenga, qe shpirtin ma shterngoj, / Worry, which tightened my soul,
sa zemra i lendoj, / it hurt so many souls,
sa njerez i vetmoj, / it left so many people lonely,
ishte endrra qe sot jetoj, / it was the dream that I live today
nje emocion qe s'dua kurre te me leshoj. / A feeling that I don't want to lose.

Prandaj, / So
larg shikimin ti drejto, / Direct your outlook forward
prapa mos shiko, / don't look back
ne ardhmeri beso. / believe in the future.

Te kaluaren mos e harro, / Don't forget the past
gjithmone kujto, / always remember
kush ishe dhe nga do shkosh. / who you were and where you'll go.

Nje enderr kisha dikur, / I once had a dream
endrren sonte e jetoj, / I now live that dream
shtetin tim e jetesoj, / I rejoice in my state
ne vete besoj. (2X) / I believe in myself.

Shqiponje, shkrihem ne kaltersi. / An eagle, melting in blue

Fluturoj e lire dhe nuk kam frike / I fly free, and I am not afraid
perpara cfare me pret, / of what is ahead of me.
Jo, me vuajtjen s'dua ta njoh, / No, I do not wish to feel suffering anymore,
Por kurre s'do ti harroj / but I will never forget
ata qe s'jane sot me ne kete dite ta gezojne. / those who are not here to celebrate this day with us.
---
Jetoj ne jeten time... / I live my life...

Labels: eliza hoxha, favourite music, Kosova, videos