Up Too Late: An Endless Search for Mr.Right & Other Important Things in Life

i only come to this blog when I feel a) nostalgic, b) excited, c) angry, or d) sad.

i seem to be feeling (d) right now... Adrien reappeared in my life this week, after a one-year disappearance, and I remembered how big of a crush I have on him. He apparently is afraid of committing to a job because he's afraid he will like it too much, then get stuck with it. This makes me think he's afraid of committment, so I don't ask him out.

I am also afraid that if I ask him out, he'll say no, or if we do something, it won't work out...

So I just watch him and ponder whether or not he feels the same way i do.

There are other things that bother me: 1-he smokes weed, 2-he's a nudist, which makes me think that 3-he's easy, 4-he looks apathetic, and 5-he's not passionate about much.

Maybe it's because of Adrien, maybe because of my next year (I am going to England to do my graduate studies there for two years), but somehow, I feel under the weather tonight.

I have been listening to Natacha Atlas a lot at work. One of my favourite songs is her cover the classic Jacques Brel song "Ne me Quitte Pas." The music is haunting, her voice moving, the combination amazing and rare. Not so sure about "je veux etre ton ombre, l'ombre de ton ombre, l'ombre de ta main, l'ombre de ton chien," but her voice is emotional enough to make me instantly sad that my relationships have never been passionate enough for me to feel the contempt of being left behind...

here's the song:

Labels: arabic music, crush, Egypt, favourite music, gay, men problems, sad, St.John's