Up Too Late: An Endless Search for Mr.Right & Other Important Things in Life

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Labels: everyday life

Adrien called me last Sunday, said he felt terrible about any misunderstanding there may have been, regarding the strange guy ruffling under the table...he asked if i was free anytime this week, to which I replied that yes, i was free friday night...

we went out tonight and had orange-canteloupe juice, chatted about various topics ranging from high school memories to future plans, took occasional breaks when our mutual friends would drop in to the cafe and say hi... later, we went out for dinner to a stir fry resto, which was great... He had a party to go to after, but opted to join me in watching a film at my house, so we watched Breakfast on Pluto.

There were some awkward moments, where I wondered whether he was expecting me to say something or not, but neither one of us did say anything, and instead opted to call it a night after the film...I don't know where we were and if this does repeat itself,I will raise the question...I just wanted tonight to be just a night of hanging out together. I didn't want to spoil the moment...

Adrien went to get his reading glasses, as his lenses were drying up, then to the party his friends were at...

I am now in bed and will be sleeping in a few minutes...

This isn't exactly what I would have hoped for, on my first date with Adrien, the cliqueish boy from high school, but it was an unusual "date", one that doesn't compare with any dates i've had in the near past, making it unforgettable...

The feeling of uncertainty and butterflies in my stomach feel strange and I wish I had a hint of what is happening between Adrien and I, but right now, even if i never heard from him again, I'd be happy. It's good to feel wanted..It's wonderful to feel alive again.

Labels: crush, cute, date, men, mr.right candidate

I am a big fan of Hande Yener, whose music has revolutionized and continues to revolutionize Turkey's pop scene...

In the last two days, Kibir, Yener's song from her most recent album has been in my mind non-stop. :D A new friend from Istanbul I chatted with on gay.com reminded me that Hande has still got it...Here it is, for your listening and viewing pleasure, along with the video:

Hande Yener - 01 -...

Labels: favourite music, pop music

Adrien was my high school crush. He was, throughout my three years in a formerly all-female and religious school, the guy I hoped to someday go out on a date with. Alas, at the time, he was straight, into alternative posses [of rich kids who can afford $3000-music instruments for their participation in the orchestra, etc.] and not quite receptive to those outside of his friends' circle.

I saw Adrien at our high school prom, where he was eager to take photos together and even chat for some time.

During my university life, I saw Adrien three times, one of which was a time when i had to fix my watch at the store he worked in, the other a coincidental meetup just before he headed to volunteer in Brazil for a year and the last time was at a movie theatre, where I watched Narnia with my brother and he with his mother.

Since our high school graduation, Adrien kept e-mailing me, intercepting me while i rushed to class, when i had no time to stop and chat, and it seemed always that he wanted to talk, but somehow, kept back...so I ignored him.

Last year, Adrien came out...A couple of months later, I saw his profile on gay.com.

Last night, I went out with half a dozen friends who were celebrating a good friend's birthday. Maria is one of my closest friends, so spending time with her was great fun. We made it to the town's G-boat, the new gay hangout, alternative to a stereotypical, dark, gloomy solution to boredom on Saturday night for gay men. G-boat, a large ship overlooking the harbour, is quite an attraction...

This is where I saw Adrien tonight. He was so happy to see me, he ran and hugged and kissed me. I was, too, though I didn't know how to react to it all.

Because the G-boat was pretty quiet and not that happening, we decided that along with a few other high school buddies, we'd go to the Zone, the dark dance bar.

Before we got there, Maria, the birthday girl and activist extraordinaire, had a nervous breakdown because she had failed to prevent the Immigration authorities from deporting a Russian family to Israel. Convincing her that it wasn't her fault and that she had done all she could [and more]took around 15 minutes, during which time Adrien patiently waited outside and we talked in the washroom.

We had to wait in line for a bit, during which time Adrien tried to get people to go to the G-Boat...the only person he recruited was a guy who flirted with him. Nevertheless, Adrien came with me to the Zone, so we danced for a bit until he suggested we go back to the boat because his friends were there. I said I preferred he stay, but he said he'd promised the girls he'd come back, so he had to go...

So he left...and then I felt bad for not going, thinking maybe it was a hint of him liking me.

Throughout the one hour I spent at the Zone, I had five or six guys, three of whom were quite attractive, approach me to dance, which we did, but when they offered their numbers, I said I wasn't interested, as I was dating someone. I figure this excuse helps in these situations...In reality, all I was thinking of was what had happened to Adrien.

As Emilie, my other friend who's just recently started dating the waiter in the G-Boat, got ready to go, I decided i'd join Adrien and the crowd there once again. At this moment, I was slightly excited and ready to tell Adrien how I had felt about him in the last six years.

We made it there, only to discover that Jim, Adrien's new crush, was playing with his foot under the table they were sitting at. He confessed to me that he wanted to go out with Jim on a date to give the guy a chance, but that he didn't want to have anything to do with him now, as Jim was super-drunk [having difficulty walking and standing]. He said his friends told him to keep away, but that he was willing to try a date out and see what happens.

I sat there and looked at Jim, as he shoved his foot towards Adrien's thighs, who tried to ignore him, or so it seemed. I was incredibly angry that Adrien would want to date someone who was slurring his words and couldn't walk without someone holding him. I felt angry that somehow, he didn't see me as anything other than his high school friend...or so it seems

I stood there and feeling pathetic, decided to move tables, so I sat with some friends and chatted with them before I left the building...

As I hugged friends to leave, I didn't think I'd let Adrien know I was leaving..He saw me leaving and ran after me and hugged me...He said he was going to work on getting rid of the guy. I told him it was good to see him. As he hugged me, he mentioned we'd be in touch soon.

I was going to share the cab with him, but in the last minute decided to walk and clear my head from what I had just seen. Despite being hurt by the fact that Adrien didn't see me as anything other than his high school friend, I didn't feel like ignoring him. Somehow, the feelings I still have for him seem to overpower the anger and the embarrassing situation I found myself in last night...

Dear reader, welcome back to forma melancolica. I'm living up to the name of the blog once again and at this moment, I wish I didn't...at all.

Labels: birthday, crush, cute, everyday life, men, men problems, mr.right candidate, party