Up Too Late: An Endless Search for Mr.Right & Other Important Things in Life

I am in Kelowna, have been for two days now, and will be here until next Monday.

There's something about a small, green, university town, that has helped me reach peace. In the last few weeks, I'd been slightly stressed out about finding a job and making my monthly VISA payments. Suddenly, I don't think about that anymore. I'm fascinated by Kelowna.

I'm in a town where sailboats are THE thing, where the highway goes in the middle of the downtown area, where the rich have built houses in the hills to overlook the rest of the inhabitants, where a new university campus is the hope for a more lively Kelowna. The hope is that incoming university students will bring noise, so that the continuous sound that the crickets make incessantly, day and night, will stop, or at least, diminish.

I went out on the town yesterday afternoon, after leading a workshop, in which I felt so out of energy, my 39 participants also felt extremely out of it. I had traveled for 13 hours the night before and had gone through two connecting flights, only to get up the next morning at 6:30 am, due to the time difference.

My friend Anita, whom I sometimes think of as one of the closest friends I've ever had and will have, took a day off work as a schoolteacher and rode for 3.5 hours on her motorbike, to come see me. I couldn't be happier when I opened the door to let some participants out for an activity I was doing, and she was there.

See, Anita and I go way back. When my family made it to Newfoundland, Ann's parents helped us around town. They were with us constantly in the first six months, when life for us in one of the coldest provinces of Canada became a stage of undiagnosed depression that took a while to heal. Anita would come during the Christmas holidays and bring her cheery smile and funny jokes, though she herself went through depression at the time, for reasons different than mine.
I remembered her as someone who gave everything she had, her energy, hapiness and smile while she sat down with us in those cold winter days.

I will never forget those year-end holidays, when I looked forward to Anita's visit, her warm presence and the "always-happy" appearance, which, at the time, gave me a push of happiness, at a time when the indicator of my happiness tanks pointed to "empty". Once again, as she visited yesterday, I felt her ever-powerful presence, as we rode on her motorbike [a first for me...what a thrill!] and tanned on the beach, looked at her new photographs [we share a passion for photography] and contemplated the future [we decided we will be a bit more selfish in the future]. Anita drove back to her town in the evening, and though I was slightly sad to see her go, I was re-energized from her visit.

I got back to my room in the new UBC residences, which are great, air-conditioning-equipped, huge-bathroom, living spaces for students who are here September-May. Right now, there are no students here, so all of the conference members are occupying the rooms.

I share the bathroom with Renee, who is also at the conference. She and I talked for a bit about her frustrations with some of the conference participants, and after venting off, we decided we'd order some food in, rather than join others in an outing to Kelowna. We ordered italian from some restaurant that took 45 minutes to deliver chicken cacciatore and Greek pizza that made me wonder why we had ordered there...We also didn't have any cutlery, so I ate pasta using my fingers...great.

After our food got in [Renee had to give directions to the delivery guy], we sat down to watch Garden State, the movie that Renee insisted I should watch. Instead, I fell asleep and it was decided we should go to bed, except that Renee went on to chat on MSN. I was extremely tired and after checking Facebook and sending today's photos to Anita, I turned off the lights and went to bed at 10 pm...

It's 7 am and I got up 20 minutes ago. Another sunny day in Kelowna awaits...

Labels: adventures, Canada, friends, Kelowna

I was writing Adam a brief e-mail tonight, as I have to get up early tomorrow, plus I had no major news to talk to him about, so I was listening to some new songs I had found online a few days ago, on an albanian mp3 website.

Qesar, aside from Miranda B., was on MSN , which I have been desperately avoiding, as I find it eats up hours of my time and frankly, I never have been a huge fan of it. As Qesar tried to get words out of me [i was antisocial tonight...slightly worrisome], I decided I should send him some of the songs I was listening to, among which was my favourite, Eliza Hoxha's Për ata që s'janë [For those who are no more] .

After sending the file to Qesar and hearing his comments on the song, I thought I'd listen again to the song that Hoxha dedicated to the 2100 missing brothers, fathers, husbands from the war of '98-'99. After listening to it, I thought about the families of these individuals [mostly men, few women] from the Kosovo war, and I couldn't help but feel down and deeply sad about the fact that eight years after the war, the families of the missing don't even know how their dear ones were killed.

It may be better that they don't know how their family members were murdered, but deep down, everyone missing a brother, father or a husband will want to know what happened to their dearest, no matter how brutal the reality and the truth may be. It's slightly ironic that I need to listen to a song to remember that five of my cousins are still missing from the war.

Below are the lyrics for Për ata që s'janë in Albanian and English. The song can be downloaded here, courtesy of ShkupiMusic.

Për ata që s'janë, Performed by Eliza Hoxha

Sa letra shkrova
pa adresë ku t'i dergoj
sa shum i kaluam
sa shum malle dhe lot që s'pushojnë,
i gjallë a i vdekur,
asgjë më unë nuk di,
por brenda meje ti,
ende frymon cdo ditë,

Dhe rrëfen një nënë,
rrëfen dhe një grua, një femi,
o, sa shum po lutem,
edhe unë po lutëm tani,
për ata që s'janë,
të humbur diku në pafund,
rrëfen edhe kjo këngë,
pa forcë të bëjë më shum,

Asgjë nuk kërkoj,
ky antkh më leshoj,
jam lodhur në pritje,
por s'mund të heq dorë,
veq vendin ta di,
se ku prehesh ti,
kur dhëmbja nuk do të më pushoj
në fund dhe unë do ndjehëm e lirë,

Asgjë s'ka kuptim,
as kjo pritje qe më shkatërroj,
dhembjën s'e ndalojnë
as këto vargje që i këndoj,
gjithnjë rrëfuzoj të mendoj
se ti më nuk je,
e si unë të besoj,
kur peng i kësaj ndjenje kam mbet.

Te gjitha m'i morre,
nga vetja ime ti
e unë tani pres,
të paktën veq dicka nga ti,
e humbur në jetë
me shpresën se do vish
bashkë me shum të tjerë
unë ende besoj vërtet.
--
Te gjithëve sa shum na mungojnë



[Loose translation...anyone notice a better translation of an expression, please let me know]

For Those Who Are No More

The many letters I wrote,
No address where I could send them,
So much sorrow,
So much sorrow we went through, and the tears that know not of rest,
Alive or dead,
I don’t know anything anymore,
But inside me,
You breathe every day.

And one mother recounts,
And a wife, a child too
Oh, how much I pray,
I pray now, too for those who aren’t,
[those who are] lost somewhere in the abyss,
This song recounts, as well,
No strength in it to do anything.

I seek nothing,
This anxiety left me,
I am tired in waiting,
But I can’t give up,
Only if I’d known your whereabouts,
Where you rest,
When my pain will pause,
In the end I will feel free, too.

Nothing has a meaning,
Not even this waiting that destroyed me,
Not even these verses that I am singing
Can stop the pain,
Still I refuse to think
That you are no more,
And how can I believe [this],
When I am left as a victim of this feeling.

You took everything I had,
From my own self,
And I wait now,
At least for something from you,
Lost in life,
With the hope that you will come,
Along with many others,
I still truly believe
--
We all miss them...so much.

Labels: albanian, eliza hoxha, home, human rights, Kosova, Kosovo, sad

Your Birthdate: October 8

Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August

Labels: funny

I found myself going to a basement party last night, as I pondered whether or not I should go out to socialize with a bunch of strangers, most of whom I'd never met before.

It was 11:15 pm. Having just watched Uptown Girls with my mom on TV, I decided it was too early to call it a night, especially since it was Saturday night. I called up Princess Ivana, my best friend, to make her come with me. I should have predicted that any call made to her involving me asking her to out to hang out with people she's never met would be met with a stern "No", in that strict Russian/Kazakh fashion.

I rarely learn my lessons from the past, so I called Ivana and asked her if she wanted to join me to the basement party organized by an acquaintance whom I'd worked with in Montreal. The blue-eyed blonde waited no longer than the end of my question to say "No, I have to work at 9 am tomorrow...but we can go out in the afternoon", to which I agreed, but I was slightly down that she didn't come with me.

It took me 15 minutes to change and find an old, medium-size-for-kids Spice Girls t-shirt in the basement. The party organizers had laid down a rule for those coming to the party to wear Spice Girls t-shirts in order to be let in. Aware of it being a joke and certain that my entrance with a Spice tee would get some laughter, I went on looking for the t-shirt. I found an extra one, both of which I had bought a couple of years back, when I still thought the girls would get together.

The warm breeze in the air made me feel good about the 15-minute walk ahead of me. It was a cloudy, but otherwise wonderful night out. I made it to the party, only to find out that half the people in it were people I had known for years and I had even gone to high school with. The big "Oh, my God!!!!! I haven't seen you in ages!" began, and everywhere I turned, a familiar face appeared.

It was a rather fun night with Petros, who went around trying to get everyone around him drunk, so he could take funny pictures of them, or the two Australian transplants who found themselves coming back to their birthplace fifteen years after their family had moved away. They talked about the overwhelming count of gay men they had made and had declared they were in the wrong place, but intoxicated and with their friend Jack D., decided to stick around.

I had taken a French course with Petros in Montreal last summer, but hadn't really spent much time talking with him. He told me last night he was going to Syracuse, NY to study medicine in the fall. Antisocial as I have been the last few weeks, it was good to chat with him and Mike in one of the bedrooms, away from the noise.

The other highlight of the evening was a story from a friend from high school, also gay, who was gone off to Cayman Islands to finish med. school, only to find out that the university there was strictly based on theoretical teaching, rather than hands-on practice with cadavers, etc. After two weeks in the school, Jose decided to call home and ask his parents for a ticket to get back to Newfoundland. He said he had loved the beaches, the weather, the people...but not school. It was interesting to hear from him that he had done such a mistake, as usually, he was one to be well-ahead of others in school, followed IB studies and received perfect marks.

After some good chatting and rambling about random things, after the exchanges of numbers and e-mail addresses and the "please, come downtown with us"es, I called it a night and walke d back a couple of blocks, only to be stopped by Petros, who, along with the sister and another friend, gave me a ride home...It was a good end to the night.

This morning, I got up at 11:30 am...I have never gotten up that late before.

Labels: friends, party, St.John's

...to self-pity.

In the last two weeks, I have not been overly productive. In fact, if one could break it down in percentage, I have done the following:

1.Watched movies - 70% of the time I have seen the following films and documentaries:
Kukumi [The two defining words of my thoughts on this film: "Wow" + "sad"]
Buona Sera, Mrs.Campbell [loved it!]
Alien II [something to pass the time]
Troy [the music was great]
300 [terrible, but loved fantasizing about underwear-wearing soldiers]
National Lampoon's "Pledge This" [sometimes, you just have to watch some bad trash]
Kingdom of Heaven [it's sweet to find out that filmmakers try to create peace with their works, sometimes]
The Mortal Storm [for a movie made in 1940, this film was way ahead of its time]
The Little Black Book [unexpected twists are great in chick flicks]
Uptown Girls [I like Brittany Murphy]
The Countess of Hong Kong [ Sophia Loren, the world misses your films!]
Perfume: The Story of a Murder [hmmm...haven't made up my mind about this one yet]
Casino Royale [i want to go to Montenegro]
The Bridge to Terabithia [wrong movie to watch/ i should have shown this film to six-year olds]
Pan's Labyrinth [monsters...i like]
Good Bye Lenin [watching this movie for the third time, this time with my mom there, was sad]
Taxi 4 [I love fast cars!]
The Brooklyn Connection: How to Build a Guerilla Army [the cause of some of my worries about the future of Kosovo]
Children of Men [graphic and too realistic...brought back too many memories i didn't want to remember]
Employee of the Month [stupid...]
Mr.Bean's Holiday [even more stupid]
The History Boys ["American Pie" a la anglaise]
The Laramie Project [i must have seen this film 20 times ... i can say the lines now]
Wetback: The Undocumented Documentary [seeing Latin Americans who went through five countries and thousands of dollars to reach the American Dream get sent back by Border Patrol broke my heart]
2-Looked for jobs - 60% of the time Positions applied for:
Receptionist - Hotel /Receptionist - Bed&Breakfast /Administrative Assistant - Acting Company /Personal Banker - Bank / Personal Banker - Bank

Further efforts to be made through contacts in the city.
3-Read books 50% of the time
Books read:
Milosevic: The Portrait of a Tyrant - Dusko Doder
Can You Keep a Secret? - Sophie Kinsella
Broken April - Ismail Kadare

4-Met friends I haven't seen in months - 30% of the time
Some of the activities had:
Cheesecake/hot chocolate and Tarot card reading with Cassandra, who told me I have a bright future [this, after I told her all about my last year... friends should never read you Tarot cards]
A drive to Signal Hill with Princess Ivana, during which time she told me she started working at a pet store...This made my day, as previously, Princess Ivana worked as a manager for a McDonald's. She's also working as a manager for the operations of a transportation company for her business internship.
A shopping trip with Princess Ivana, where we had our traditional trip to the ice cream shop to get sundaes and windowshop. An amazing amount of energy spent on contacting letter H, who has, aside from a comment on my Facebook saying she's been sick with an allergy and that she wanted to call me at 4 am, ignored my every effort of contact.
Two weekends practicing a Bollywood hip hop/Bangra routine with Sitara, apparently to perform on June 11, in front of 500 people, with only another guy in the dance, Christophoros, who is there because his girlfriend forced him, and five women. Wonderful. I keep stumbling, Sitara keeps saying "Wonderful! You're doing great!"
A trip to the Rooms with Ophelia, who will be leaving the province for Toronto in August for graduate school :(. She has been in Canada for ten years now and hasn't applied for permanent residence. Why, I don't know. Whatever happened, she smartened up. She just applied to become a landed immigrant. I will miss her.

5-Thought about my purpose in life, LSATs, my dissertation, family in Kosovo, cousins away, future documentary screenings for a human rights film club, summer job, friends, priorities, a possible move, books to be read - 99.5% of the time

6-Felt lazy 100% of the time

7-Thought about how much more I like St.John's than Montreal: 50% of the time [Pros: THE PEOPLE / THE CLEAN AIR /Cons: THE WEATHER/ THE SIZE OF THE CITY]

Labels: home, St.John's

Serbia's Eurovision win is slowly fading into events past and I need to find something else to spend my time doing, aside from browsing my statcounter statistics, which show that in the last three days, I received more than 400 visits from countries around the world, most of them looking for answers to questions like "marija serifovic is she gay" or "marija serifovic gay is ok", etc.

I started decluttering and going through a minor spring clean-up, trying to minimize the number of boxes of things I have in the basement. Among some of the things I came across was a book I had bought two years ago, Dusko Doder's biographical book on Slobodan Milosevic, Milosevic:Portrait of A Tyrant.

The book is an easy read and allows people like me, who've heard all about the man and in many ways, suffered the consequences of Milosevic's decisions, to go into the depths of his family history, the problems of which seem to have been outlined in the stars, as an astrologer seems to think.

I read a chapter of the book and, slightly distracted, wondered what YouTube would have on the Serbian dictator. The results showed a Jon Stewart joke, a Family Guy excerpt featuring Milosevic in a tight circle with Saddam Hussein, and a short clip that made me go back 13 years to a time that I remember very well, perhaps too well, considering that it has been a long time.

In 1992, following possible implications of the Serbian government in the Bosnian war, world powers, including the United States , imposed economic sanctions on Yugoslavia [Serbia and Montenegro at the time]. I remember 1992 to 1995 being the years when everything was scarce, including baking flour. In order to buy groceries, it was regular routine to wait for hours in a line. The inflation rate was so high during the sanctions, that new banknotes (with an extra zero in front) were issued almost every week. You could buy two litres of car gas one day with 100 million dinars, but the next day, you'd be lucky if you got one piece of chewing gum for the same note.

Two YouTube videos I came across show the situation as it was. In one of the videos, you see seniors pushing for free bread, distributed by the state, in Belgrade. Free bread was not distributed in Kosovo, but the fighting went on even when you had to pay for the bread.

In another one of the videos, you see the empty shelves of corner/grocery stores. It brings back a memory of walking into ghost supermarkets. Here they are:

Labels: 1990s, inflation, Kosova, Kosovo, sad, sanctions, Yugoslavia

The winner of this year's Eurovision is Serbia, in its first year as an independent country (Last year, due to arguments re: who would represent Serbia & Montenegro in the contest, the country didn't participate). I didn't expect the 23-year old Marija Serifovic's Molitva [Prayer] to win, as it was just another sad ballad.

[To download all versions, including the dance remix of the song, go to the Serbian Eurovision site here and click on "all versions of Molitva" on the left.]

And the dancing? Aside from the Dolce&Gabbana suits [which looked amazing on the girls], there wasn't much dancing, and I think the conservative nature of the performance may have helped Serifovic in getting where she wanted to get.

The song, a sad cry for a lover who has left, was well-complemented by the supporting singers, which also did a bit of moving around, something which BBC's Mark Savage called "a slow-motion lesbian porn film".

Marija's deep and moving voice seems to have resonated across Europe and if anything, her on-stage performance helped her act.

Serifovic looks like a super-butch lesbian, and she is one, according to Kurir, a Serbian entertainment magazine, which published this article in 2004 about Marija's coming out to her father. The article is about an ad that supposedly showed up on gay-serbia.com. Serifovic refuses to acknowledge that it was she who posted the ad, as apparently she "cares not for computers and technology". "Besides", the article states "Marija told her father that she is attracted to the same sex and her father supported her, which is not surprising, as the two have always been close and have always had a good relationship". The article states Marija's mother's reaction to her coming out is not known. Verica Serifovic, Marija's mother, is a well-known turbo folk singer in Serbia.

Marija's voice is so touching. I somehow feel closer to her, now that I know she's gay, too. :)

The runner-up to the winner was Ukraine's drag queen Verka Serdyuchka, (who looks handsome when not in drag), the very one I thought was terrible in my review of this year's Eurovision. Third place went to Russia's Serebro, which was good, but never as good as Turkey's Kenan Dogulu, which got the fourth position on the contest. [Rapidshare mp3 link here) .

To find out the rest about other Eurovision winners, visit here.

For those of you who watched Eurovision, you may have noticed a funny trend during the semi-finals and finals...Red was the colour of this year's contest.

P.S: Here's a remix of Molitva

Labels: Eurovision, lesbian, music, Russia, Serbia, Turkey

After an exciting semi-finals evening in Helsinki, Europeans voted for the following as the 10 finalists for Saturday [in addition to those who qualified last year]. I have placed in bold the names of the countries I WANTED to win tonight, and just below that, the list of countries I would have voted for, had I had the chance to do it.

1.Belarus

2.Macedonia

3.Slovenia

4.Hungary

5.Georgia

6.Latvia

7.Serbia

8.Bulgaria

9.Turkey

10.Moldova


------

My favourites from this year's Eurovision Semi-finals:

1.Belarus

2.Bulgaria

3.Albania

4.Netherlands

5.Denmark

6.Serbia

7.Portugal

8.Macedonia

9.Turkey

10.Austria

Labels: Eurovision, Helsinki, music

Eurovision finals are on in two days. It's become a tradition for me to write about Eurovision on this blog. Here are my thoughts on some of this year's performers:

Albania - Aida & Frederik Ndoci - Hear my Plea
-This man should not have been chosen to represent Albania in Eurovision. Not only does his voice scare me, but his look [hair looks like he has a wig on, the goatee makes me think he's a member of the Albanian mafia, the red suit is just too unattractive, and don't even get me started on his English accent] is terrible. I wish Eliza Hoxha, who was dropped from the Albanian Eurovision finals, had been chosen. I chose one of her songs for my favourite songs in Albanian post a few months ago. Her song Hajde Sonte [mp3 link] should have made it to Eurovision, but sadly, the Albanian public chose Mr.Albanian mafia and his deadly [literally] ballad. See the winning entry below and decide for yourself.



Armenia - Hayko - Anytime You Need
-Armenia's entry this year may qualify for next year's competition and that way continue to compete for the finals, but I don't think the song will win. It's terribly haunting, which I love, and the video is great, but I am thinking Europe may be tired of sad songs. The last few years have seen a number of sad song winners, so something tells me this year may be the year of the change. Watch the video...it all happens in a room, but it's a beautiful song and a beautiful performance.



Bosnia & Herzegovina - Marija Sestic - Rijeka Bez Imena [Nameless River]
-Marija Sestic has a great voice, the song is super melancholic and sad [just the way I like them], but I don't get the video. The song is about a woman who mourns for the man who left her. The video is not that related to the subject matter. What's with motorbikes, ugly ships and children playing volleyball on them? BiH will probably get through the 14 qualifying semi-finalists, though. I would still vote for this song.


Bulgaria - Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov - Voda [Water]
-Wow! This year's song is an unusual entry for Bulgaria, which always does its best to have very Western songs. This year's entry, a dance ethno mix, is one of my favourites. I love Bulgarian ethnic singing and when it is combined with dance rhythms, it makes a great shake-it mix. The video is slightly on the odd side, but I love the use of the national instruments. I hope this song gets in!


Denmark - DQ - Drama Queen
Hmmm...I thought after all the hype, this song would be something good to listen to. It turns out, it's slightly trashy, make that very trashy. It's just something Denmark would come up with. The song sticks to you, but the video is just too much...ack to the silver curtains and pink crowns. I feel like a drama queen just watching it.


France - Les Fatals Picards - L'amour à la Française
This entry is terrible, but it's far too funny not to mention. You just need to give it a listen.


Macedonia - Karolina - Mojot Svet [My World]
This year, Macedonia has made an effort to bring in some of its ethnic rhythms by introducing to the rest of Europe a song that has a traditional song mixed in with a turbo folk'ish song that promotes a message of peace in the world, something that may bring it points in the Balkans. The lyrics of the refrain are about a world in which the singer sees herself as living in peace with others because in her world, there is no religion,there are no borders. All there is, is a Balkanic soul. You got dat' right, dawg. [The video is terrible].


Germany - Roger Cicero - Frauen Regier'n die Welt
I don't know if this political commentary or not. Germany's 2007 entry is titled "Women rule the world". I liked this entry. Germany liked it. Angela Merkel probably did too. Let's hope the women of the world [or at least Europe] vote for it.


Greece - Sarbel - Yassou Maria
Greece has had a good tradition of bringing in good entries to Eurovision and this year is no exception. Yassou Maria is full of rhythm, movement and dance, with hints of Greek/Turkish melody. I can't recall if I heard bouzouki somewhere in the song. The video is terrible, done in the musical, 50s Hollywood style, but the dancers and Sarbel are not bad, not bad at all.


Israel - Teapacks - Push the Button
Extremely political, totally depressing and hopefully not a qualifying song. The melody is great, but the lyrics ["If someone makes an error /He's gonna blow us up to biddy biddy kingdom come / There are some crazy rulers / They hide and try to fool us"] sound far too much like propaganda. The video is ok, though.


Netherlands - Edsilia Rombley - On Top of The World
I think the reason why I'd vote for Edsilia is because she sounds so much like Toni Braxton in her early days. Rombley's voice is great for top 40 stations. I don't think she could reach world fame or anything. On Top of The World may get to the top of the charts at Eurovison.


Russia - Serebro - Song #1
Great song, great video, it just may win. ;)


Turkey - Kenan Dogulu - Shake it up shekerim [my sweetie]
Usually Kenan Dogulu sings amazingly well. I don't know what happened to him in this song. I appreciate the little medley of Turkish melodies throughout the song, though.The video is great, though...If you don't watch anything else, watch this video ;)


Ukraine - Verka Serduchka - Dancing Lasha Tumbai
I don't get this song or video, but it's so worth seeing!!!

Labels: Europe, Eurovision, music

My favourite musical event of the year, this year's Eurovision promises to be an exciting time, with 42 performances from countries all over Europe set to perform in Helsinki.

Israel is also part of the competition, despite being outside of Europe. You will remember Dana International, whose Diva shell-shocked the world in 1998, when Israel won the competition. She was, aside from the Turkish singers/actresses-actors Bülent Ersoy and Zeki Müren, the third prominent transsexual I had heard of at the time (Zeki M. was a transvestite). I remember waking up on an early morning and hearing, aside from the daily count of "terrorists" killed [Non-Serbian civilians and Albanian KLA - Kosovo Liberation Army members killed by Serbian troops], that for the first time in history, a transsexual had won the most well-known European music competition.
It was an uplifting song, one that I couldn't understand, but that morning of May 1998, I stood up and danced to Diva, while I wondered what my classmates would say about the win.

This year, drag is the thing at Eurovision, with Denmark's entry, DQ, whom esctoday.com calls "one of the fan favourites for the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest"...The song is "Drama Queen". How fitting.

Youtube videos:

Bülent Ersoy - Maazallah
Zeki Müren - Bir Yanginin Külünü
Dana International - Diva
DQ - Drama Queen

Labels: Europe, Eurovision, Israel, pop music, Turkey

I greatly resisted the urge I felt for writing some melancholy on my last days in Montreal. I really did. Now that I've had enough time home to reflect back on the last week [and not the last ummm...year], I thought maybe I could have some emotional diarrhea here...

I've been slightly unfair to Montreal in my previous posts when I criticized it for its coldness, the French-English Quebecer divide, the dirty streets, the snotty store clerks in the Village, etc. I still stand by my thoughts, except that somehow, looking back at it, i think i was so used to it the last few months that i rarely noticed the flaws, or just simply chose to ignore them.

Thursday was a regular day. I got up relatively late, had breakfast with Renee, packed the few things left and put the rest in bags to leave for Miranda and her friend. I cleaned up, broke a cup in the process, made sure no dust was in the counters [i even used a disinfectant and EVEN washed the counters...one would say i have OCD]...During the clean-up, Mika's Relax was on repeat....looking back, it was something I played to reassure myself that everything would be ok ["relax, take it easy, for there is nothing that we can do..."].

I called a couple of friends to say goodbye, got my luggage ready and went downstairs to wait for my ride 30 minutes before it was supposed to be there. I took photos of Montrealers on my way to the airport, which is what you see in this post.

I got to the airport, where I had to pay $40 for overweight luggage. I had a bag of peanuts in my backpack [i forgot to remove them], but the security guards didn't check it. I went through easily. I checked my ticket, only to find out i was sitting in the middle of two seats...great. I called mom from the airport and told her I was getting home the day after, so she wouldn't worry and stay up late. I had two hours to kill, so I wandered around for a bit, watched people pass by, read for a bit...and then, at the moment when I couldn't find anything else to do to prevent thinking about it, the feeling of nostalgia I was starting to get for Montreal snuck in.

I suddenly thought of all the things I'd miss: Gossiping with Miranda, chatting with David and filling out sudoku puzzles at the Village Starbucks, hanging out with Princess Tanita and having her homemade Sunday crepes, walking down the Village alone, knowing that I didn't have to hide my sexuality in any sense [even subconsciously], seeing the fiery Montreal sunrise thanks to my early-morning jobs, riding on the subway - the eye-flirt central and many other things.

One thing I will not miss is the attitude that Montrealers and all residents of major metropoles, the attitude of "I come from Montreal [or major city], therefore I am better than anyone else around me". Miranda had tendencies of this and it slightly bugged me at times, when she'd start with her stories on how things are better somewhere else... David had stories like this, too, talking about Toronto and Texas and how they were better than Montreal...the ego is just too...ack. Speaking of this, my mom, too has tendencies of "my god, their clothes are terrible. This country just doesn't know how to use good, sturdy material for clothes".

I have come across all kinds of stereotypes about Newfoundlanders, including a comment from a prof who felt sad I was going to Newfoundland, a place she thought was the center of boredom.She simply couldn't understand why I was leaving Montreal, the amazing center of culture, music, art, anything imaginable.

I came to St.John's and realized that here, too, people have a pride, but it's a different sort of a pride. They don't care what others think or say. They have pride in their city, but it's individual, and quite modest. That's the difference between Montrealers and the residents of St.John's.

I reassure myself by saying that I will be back, but who knows where life will take me...For now, I take comfort in knowing that although I miss Montreal, I don't miss it enough to say that I feel like I will never see it again...

Labels: Montreal, sad

A silly row between Egypt and Germany threatens the diplomatic ties between the two countries. A bust of Queen Nefertititi (1400 BC), brought to Berlin as part of an archaeological dig project in Egypt in 1912 financed by a German patron, seems to have caused more stir than it probably should have.

The bust of the woman thought to have been one of the most beautiful women in history, is claimed by the German government to be "cultural property" of the country, whereas Egypt, on the other hand, says the bust is part of Egyptian identity.

Funny enough, for a country so multicultural, Germany claims Nefertiti is the best newcomer. "I think Nefertiti is the best ambassador of Egypt. She is accepted here, although she is still unique and different. She must stay in Germany,"says Dietrich Wieldung, the curator of the Egyptian Museum in Berlin.

The reason used by the German Ministry of Culture for not sending the bust back to Egypt is that the bust is too fragile to travel and could fall apart while on its way back to its home. It's funny how Nefertiti is too old to travel, yet it was used for odd exhibitions that required some contemporary artists to move it around using nothing other than their hands, yet transporting it using crates and other packaging used for transporting fragile museum pieces is insufficient.

I didn't know about the controversy when I saw Nefertiti last summer at the Museumsinsel.. She just looked neutral, so neutral, in fact, that her empty eyes attracted my attention. Return to sender? I guess not.

Labels: Berlin, Egypt, Germany, Museum, politics

8 years after the brutal beating death of Matthew Shepard and dozens of other youths across the United States, the US House of Representatives was still hesitant about voting in protection for individuals claiming human rights abuse based on their sexuality.
Finally, last Friday, the HoR voted 237 to 180 and passed the law to extend hate-crime protection to people victimized because of their sexuality.

Labels: gay rights, homophobia, human rights, integration, politics, United States

Wednesday was a rushed day. Renee drove in from Ottawa to visit before I left for Newfoundland. I had initially hoped to go to Ottawa myself, as I wanted to drop off extra luggage [which turned to be much more than I could have ever carried, so it was good she came in], but I remembered hearing something about there being a strike on Via Rail trains,so I decided to stay in Montreal, just in case there were problems with me getting back to catch my flight. It turns out, it was a CN strike and not Via Rail...oops :) ...

We updated each other on our lives at a great sandwich cafe in the Village, called Kilo, where Renee pointed out the incredibly tall waiter was eyeing me. It was flattering, but I didn't really need his eye-flirting. :)An outing with Renee to find an Iranian grocery store in the Anglo part of Montreal turned into a long drive through the super-rich part of the city. It was incredible how perfect everything looked. The dogs were perfectly groomed, their owners jogging in Lululemon athletica sports suits. The streets couldn't be cleaner and the day couldn't be more beautiful to drive through Westmount, Montreal's Fairview.

We got a pound of Turkish tea, which my mom asked me to get for her, and then, we drove back to the residence, only to find out that Ren had missed a conference call. I was sad/happy to know that she had forgotten a call because she had so much fun with me...I tend to give myself a lot of credit these days.

Leonard had said it would be good if we could all go to the new Albanian-Turkish resto, but when I called him on Wednesday night, the instructions were so complicated that I told him to just meet Renee, Miranda B, Baroness Phoenicia and myself at Juliette and Chocolat. He said he'd bring Artan with him.

Ren and I showed up at the coffee shop, where Baroness Phoenicia had already arrived, eagerly looking out for us. I was slightly nervous, as I didn't know how my friends would get along, since they had not met before.

In short, it was a good mix of discussions ranging from French TV comedy to Baroness Phoenicia's likeness to Trinity in the Matrix, to Arabs being stupid. This latter comment is not mine and I would not like to take ownership for it. Rather, as something that Leonard said, I'd like to put it in the context...and the context I don't remember, so I will shortly say that Leonard, who wasn't overly fond of some of the discussions going on about the state of Lebanon after last year's Israel bombing, stopped and said "It happens because you guys are stupid" [or something like that]. Then, realizing he just made an awful realization, he said "but we're stupid too...We're all stupid"...and we all laughed.

I don't know how comfortable everyone was, and had I written this post the night after the coffee shop meetup, I could have been able to describe much better some of the interesting remarks made, but now, four days later, I am slightly lacking in memory.

I said goodbye to Miranda, who called me an hour later to say a proper goodbye because Baroness Phoenicia doesn't like goodbyes and therefore, she wasn't able to say goodbye the way she wanted to.

Ren and I were at a pizza place for a second, then we changed our minds and went for Lebanese.Alas, the place was closed, so we picked up something fast, ate it and within five minutes of lying down, we were fast asleep...

The next morning, we went for breakfast at a nearby cafe that served tea with one tiny cracker [what do i do with one cracker?] ... I loaded the tons of things I had in Ren's car and gave her my movie collection to watch until June, since I will see her in Ottawa then...She doesn't like my taste in music, so she just might not like my taste in movies either...What's up with the world? Few people like my taste in music...

I still made Renee an eclectic mix of the best [or everything I could come up with in 5 minutes, as Renee was getting ready to drive back to Ottawa] dance music I could come up with, so she wouldn't fall asleep.

Well, whatever, I will continue to resist classic and indie rock, which Renee seems to like...ewwww to those both.

Labels: chocolate, coffee shops, friends, Montreal

I don't know what happened to me on Tuesday and Wednesday. Somehow, I fell into a big packing frenzy and felt like, after days of packing, I obviously needed a break, or boost, whatever you may call a hot chocolate break. So I met Leonard for hot chocolate at Juliette & Chocolat for some hot chocolate. A gay couple next to us thought we were together and Leonard noticed it...He didn't, however, do anything.

Instead, he said something that made me want to come out to him. He said how cool it is that people feel free in Canada to be whoever they are and how in Kosovo, holding hands at a table would have been considered a no-no and probably followed by something worse, like a homophobic comment or worse,a beating. I told him I agreed and that was it... I didn't really feel like starting a whole debate on being gay, I was far too tired.

We chatted about many things with Leonard, including how thick the chocolate was. For the first 15 minutes, we kept looking around. I don't know Leonard for long, so it wasn't like I knew what his interests were.

Eventually, we started talking about his past. He told me he had opened an Albanian restaurant a couple of years ago, but, since it was on the outskirts of Montreal, few people found out about it. He closed it down, only to sell it to another man who opened an Albanian-Turkish restaurant in the same place. Apparently, the owner is an imam from Kosovo who, upon coming to Montreal, found out imams weren't paid positions here (in Kosovo, they are). So, he opted for the next best and logical thing to do for an imam: Start a business. After all, selling a message and selling food aren't things very different from one another.

Leonard talked for most of the night, except for when I talked with him about my opinion on Kosovo's pending independence. I mentioned how the international community, UN being the representative, have created a rogue government that controls many of the institutions in Kosovo, part of the reason why Kosovars want the independence so badly. In the last seven years, UNMIK (United Nations Mission in Kosovo) has created ministries and departments that have all been controlled by the international bodies of the UN, not allowing much local and regional development. It's a sort of a bamboo plant metaphore: You can shape the plant any way you want, you just have to allow only one source of light, and the plant will follow by growing that way.

In the same way, the UN thought that if it controlled the ways of functioning for the Kosovo government, many of the wanted human rights and economic/social reforms would take place. Unfortunately, groups like Vetëvendosje (Self-determination) were created, groups which sometimes want nothing short of independence,and they want it now, without any negotiation.

The delay in reform, including the silence behind close to 2500 missing from the war, has caused many problems in Kosovo. It has also brought home a problem that didn't exist before, one of international trafficking of women and drugs. These are "needs" expressed by the rich KFOR [NATO peacekeepers] soldiers who can afford to pay hundreds of Euros for trafficked women from Moldova and Bulgaria or Romania.

Most Kosovars just want the international community to give the power to the local politicians, instead of having them play around the world like little puppets, playing with wording like "diversity" and "multiculturalism" and "tolerance" [yes, i said tolerance and not "acceptance" or "respect"] in front of foreign officials.

It is important to think of the international community (EU, USA, Arab & Muslim world, Australia etc.) as those who changed the situation from war to relative peace in Kosovo, but to what extent does this merit give them the right to control Kosovar institutions? It was something that Leonard and I discussed for a long time and by the time I noticed my hot chocolate was now cold, it was already 11:30 pm [we met at 8:30].

I forgot to mention that Leonard is going through a mid-twenties crisis. He is, in fact, in his late 20s, but is afraid no girl will marry him because he is getting old. In Kosovo, most guys his age are married and have kids.

This last pic here is by Damir Sagolj, one of my favourite photographers. It was taken on a cloudy day in Prishtina, Kosovo.

Photos: Missing Persons, Prishtina, Kosovo - Rachel Geylin / Blackcrows - Damir Sagolj, Reuters

Labels: albanian, chocolate, coffee shops, friends, journal de montreal, Kosova, Kosovo

I've thought much about the topic of my post, weeks and weeks overdue...Perhaps the best way to go about it is by describing my last week in Montreal. I am now in St.John's and feel quite zen being in the part of the country that few people know is so beautiful, calm, rough.This week began on Monday with a trip to Ikea with Miranda B. It is quite obvious that she and I share a passion for all things Zen. Though Ikea furniture assembly is nothing like Zen, and as Adam pointed out, is slightly on the fragile side of things, I still think there is a magic to anything Ikea.

It starts with the simple lines on the furniture, almost retro- European sort of a look. Besides, it is Zen for the money-deprived, and this wins the game. It may take us hours to assemble a piece of furniture, and in the end, we may have to go back to the store to get a missing screw from the package, but the end result is quite satisfactory.

So, Ikea trip it was. Not only did we shop (I got a wooden salad bowl and a revolving wooden plate wheel, the kind you see at some "all-you-can-eat" Asian restaurants), but we also did a slight bit of Ikea tourism, as Miranda called it. We took shots of one another everywhere in the store, including children's bedrooms, closets (I came out of one, while Miranda was quite comfortable in it), couples' bedrooms (I cheated on Renee by taking a shot of Miranda and I in a king-size bed...the passersby who took the picture thought we were a cute couple... if only they knew...) and bathrooms (Miranda sat on a toilet, while I preferred the comforts of a bathtub, overlooking the Ikea parking lot...how beautiful).

We made it a whole pseudo-Swedish experience by having some meatballs at the resto and some Swedish ice-cream, which tasted slightly watery.

It was a rather intense photo day. In all, there were close to 80 pics taken. Miranda was quite tired of it all, and I couldn't wait to get to bed. Alas, I remembered in the last minute that I was to meet Princess Tanita and her Prince Ivan for some pure hot chocolate at Juliette & Chocolat at 6pm, so there was no rest to be had.

I was quite hungry by the time I had to meet the royal family, so I had a spinach and cheese crepe, which didn't fill me at all, aside from leaving me disgusted (the spinach tasted raw...ewww)...I chatted with her highness for about an hour. Before the Princess coupled up, she lived in Newfoundland and I knew her from some language monitoring work we did together. She was not liked very much by our boss, as naturally, like all princesses, this one loved talking...our boss was all about "being professional", which apparently means no talking if she [the boss] is not there. When she was present and she was involved in the conversation, you could chat about anything, including Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

I said my farewell to the two lovebirds who kept feeding one another while we talked, something I found slightly distracting... Princess Tanita may be going to Gross Morne in the summer, so I told her it would be good if we went together, though I will probably rent a mobile home instead of camping out [i despise camping]. She wasn't quite pleased and I wondered why that was, since well, princesses of Austrian descent are usually snobs.

P.S: The photo of the unhappy artist comes from the website titled Elite Designers Against Ikea. Adam made me think about this. Somehow, it looks kind of like a joke, almost like an Ikea initiative...

Labels: friends, ikea, Montreal, shopping