Up Too Late: An Endless Search for Mr.Right & Other Important Things in Life

The last week has been super-hectic, so I haven't had a chance to write very much...But, I do intend on writing more on my last week in Montreal... Details to come :)

Canadian Parents for French just e-mailed me to check if I would be interested in working for their national office in Ottawa for the summer, as a communications assistant.

I posted my resume on a job-finding website ten days ago, not expecting any responses....

Why does it have to be so far away? For the second time in two weeks, I say this again:
I wish distance didn't exist.

In other news, my big scholarship interview is this weekend. I don't anticipate a big "congrats! you got it!" at the end of June [when they send out letters letting applicants know], but it will be interesting to see what they will ask me. I can't wait for Sunday!!!

P.S: I'm still on away mode...this is just an "i'm alive" message

P.P.S: I had a blast at Starbucks with David last night. Not only did David get banned from Starbucks for stalking someone he went to school with, I met a fellow Albanian whom I'd chatted with long time ago. I also met his and David's mutual ex, who is hoping to make it big in fashion. They are all slightly eccentric and extremely talkative [a little bit too much for my taste], but funny and fun people nevertheless.... They may join Miranda B. and myself tonight, to an art opening at a boutique in Montreal's artist ghetto.

Labels: friends, funny, job, Montreal

Darn calls from reception to interrupt my studious research paper-typing. I felt like turning off the ring on the phone, but I answer anyway.

"You have mail, sir", says the Senegalese receptionist who usually talks to me in French, and all of a sudden I feel like Scarlet O'Hara, whose love for Rhett Butler makes her even more racist than she usually is, in "Gone with the Wind". I start guessing what there is in the mail and I realise I guessed right when I get to reception.

Downstairs, I'm greeted with a box of roses. I open it up and what else can it be but Adam's blue roses! :)

I'm now in a state of bliss and am grinning, looking at the roses and the card, where Adam apologizes yet again for something he has no control over him...I wanna hug him so bad right now!!! :D I feel so happy, I could dance outside, in the cold rain, with my cold. This is one of the sweetest things someone's ever done for me.
Ok, uhhhmmm, back to studying...and up the Away mode again, while I think of the times that now feel like distant past.

Labels: AdamX, cute, date, men

I am on away mode until Thursday, when my four final exams are finally over. Back to life then :)

Labels: exams

Last night's rain and snow in the middle of April, combined with sleeplesness (I had to write the infamous sociology paper...I am still on page 4 of 15 :P ), would usually have made me cranky, but not today. In all, I slept 2.5 hours last night.

In the school I work in, I am doing a series of classes focussing on homosexuality, to ultimately end the series by coming out to them (many of the students wrote "I've never met a gay person in my life, but I think they're cool". This way, they will have met one). Last week, I came out to the first group (there are six). They took it well.

Today, I had class 1 of 2 on sexuality, with another group. Their comments almost made me get emotional, they were so good and accepting. I will try to post some of their notes on here soon.

Miranda Bradshaw and I had a talk last night, since our coffee outing around the corner didn't take place after all. Before I leave Montreal, we are to do the following, in no particular order:

1- Go out thrift-clothes store hunting.

2- Go dancing.

3- Go to a male strip bar (it will be my second time in a month...someone who didn't know me would think I go every day).

4- Go to the Contemporary Arts Museum.

5- Go to the Fine Arts Museum (there's an exhibition of Botero's works ;))...Maybe I'll invite the MSN flirt to come along, though I have a feeling I will get a "no" as an answer.

Labels: miranda B, Montreal, work

Labels: Canada, Montreal, mr.right candidate, weather

This Tuesday will be the 25th anniversary of the signing of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

The Queen signed the document on April 17th, 1982, after we pleaded with her and her politicians for decades, centuries even, to have our own planefull of rights.
In the presence of Pierre Elliott Trudeau, letter H's favourite Prime Minister and French Quebecers' least liked politician, the Queen signed the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms into the Constitution.

This year, the Conservative minority government, which has never been a fan of the Charter ("Rights?? Who needs'em???!!!"), apparently has no major celebrations planned for the day that marks a symbolic breaking away from the strict and controlling mother Queen two and a half decades ago.

Five years ago, when, at the time, the Liberal government was in power, Canadian Alliance, the co-founding group of today's Conservative Party of Canada, said that the whole Charter thing had been overdone by the Liberal government, underlining that its need was exaggerated in a sense, ignoring some fundamental human rights that would never have been challenged had the Charter not been enshrined in the Canadian Constitution. The Alliance said at the time that the Charter went against the will of many Canadians who thought the rights revolution "had gone too far".

This week, on Monday and Tuesday, the University of Ottawa is holding a two-day conference on the Charter. Apparently, all of the invited guests, except for Stephen Harper and his run-alongs, are coming. Stephane Dion, who first declined the invitation, must have changed his mind when he found out about Harper's decision to unofficially boycott the event.

Jean Chrétien, the former Liberal prime minister who initiated the same-sex marriage vote is apparently talking at a $150-per-plate gala fundraiser in Montreal about the importance of having a Charter.Harper must be staying home and enjoying Bill O'Reilly and Fox News.

His government recently (last fall), canceled funding for the Charter Challenges Program, which helped individuals and groups/organizations challenge federal laws on the grounds of equality. The Program, known as the pillar of federal court challenges, has given out funding in the past to groups demanding a change in the definition of marriage, prisoner's rights to vote and, among other things, the limits of the parents' disciplining of children.

Oddly enough, Canadians seem to be turned on by the idea of going conservative. A prime minister who refuses to acknowledge the importance of one of the most important and fundamental human rights documents is gaining popularity, according to polls.

The pendulum is swinging right once again...wonderful. We are already explicitly supporting Israel's so-called anti-terrorist measures that cause thousands of civilians' deaths, Israeli and Palestinian. Every few days, our "anti-terrorist troops" are attacked in Afghanistan. We are going under in our environment policies. Refugee claimants are being deported every day.

At the tennis club, a member sees me typing my paper on racial profiling in Montreal. He asks me what I'm doing and when I tell him what it's all about, he asks me what I think of the Montreal police. I say that I have no personal opinion on it, but that so far, I've only found negative info. on them. He looks at me and says,

"Our Charter was overdone. It gives every nobody, especially the first generation Canadians a chance to claim the race card when a policeman pushes him or treats him like he should, for beating up someone or for sexually assaulting someone else. Frankly, and a lot of lawyers agree with me, the Charter of Rights was overdone." I ask rhetorically, in a curious tone: "But you can't change it, can you?"...he replies, with a sad face: "It's too hard to change it."... Take that, racist millionaires.

In other news, Quebec's ADQ is considering pressuring the provincial government to sign the Canadian Constitution it never signed in 1982. Quebec is the only Canadian province not to have approved the Constitution. The signing would allow the province to finally propose an amendment to the constitution, in order to, according to the Action Démocratique du Québec, achieve greater autonomy from the rest of Canada.

What surprises me is why Quebecers have to go to the most conservative party in the province to get help to make the province sovereign...or autonomous...or whatever.

Sources:

Justice Canada

"Conservatives skip out on Charter events" - The Gazette, Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Labels: Canada, conservatism, human rights, politics, quebec

[yesterday at the tennis club, two straight men in their mid- to late- forties talk after a game]

Clint Eastwood: Hey, Corleone, I meant to bring you some chocolate yesterday. A friend of mine who lives in the north came up with this amazing recipe... [is interrupted before he finishes]

Don Corleone: huh? Why would you bring me chocolate? I'm not your boyfriend or anything.

Clint Eastwood: [obviously feeling humiliated] Ummm, I just thought, I haven't seen you since Easter. It was just a late Easter greeting.

Don Corleone: Ok, ok, bring it. Chocolate is chocolate

[this morning at the tennis club]

Clint Eastwood: Arbër, could you take this chocolate, chop it up and leave it on the table, please?

[1.5 hours later, the game is over. Corleone and Eastwood come back. Don Corleone looks dumbfounded]

Don Corleone: Oh, so now all the members are your boyfriends?

Labels: chocolate, funny, Montreal, tennis

If anyone's ever had a freaky Friday the 13th, they will know that it starts in the morning. The symptoms are comparable to many situations, namely fear of the unknown and the notion of "what it's true...?".

Labels: AdamX, Friday, men, Montreal, mr.right candidate

A few updates that I've been meaning to make in regards to my Mr.Right candidacy work. None of these updates, aside from the last one in this post, have anything to do directly with Mr.Right candidates.

The MSN flirtie is a date no more. He felt he would miss me too much if we were intimate until I left. He asked if we could date when I'm back next year. Ummmm, no.

This morning, a med. student sitting opposite me in the subway gave me his number after I asked him if he had a lot to study for. The conversation went something around the lines of:

Me-You're in med. school?
He-Yeah...I have lots to study for.
Me-It looks like you've got the whole book highlighted.
He-Ummm, which stop do you get off on?
Me-Angrignon, and you?
He-De l'Eglise. I've never gone past this one in the three years I've been in Montreal.
Me-Oh, where are you from?
He-New Brunswick.
Me-Cool, I'm from Newfoundland.
He-I'm Jean-Marc.
Me-I'm Arbër.
He- Well, I have to get off now, but can I give you my number? I don't usually do this.
Me- Ummm, yea, sure, I guess.
He ** scribbles down his number **
Me **thinks about what just happened**

Should I have told him I wasn't interested? Would that have offended him? I know it would have offended me, so I didn't say anything.

I don't know if I should call him and tell him I am not interested, that he's cute and all, that it's not his problem, but that I am kind of going out with someone now. I was afraid telling him that this morning, while he rushed to write his number down would offend him. And it's not the first time someone has done this either, it's just never happened in the subway.

AdamX said he might visit on Friday before he goes back home from Ottawa. I have a major paper to write for next week, but, as Miranda Bradshaw said, maybe spending time with someone I like will help me do more in less time, so I shouldn't feel guilty about spending time with him.

I agree.

Labels: men, Montreal, subway stories

On Tuesday, I found myself on the subway at noon time, trying to get to an appointment at 1 pm at the "Genius Bar", a bar in the Apple store where "Apple Geniuses" help you resolve issues you have with Apple software and hardware.

A friend had offered to help, but he could only take me there after 5 pm and since I work at that time, I couldn't really go then.

So I decided I should take the long route of going to one of the northernmost points of Montreal just so I could check whether or not these Mac people, to which AdamX was kind and smart enough to refer me to, could recover my ancient iPod, in which I had stored the interview I had done with Khadijah Bennis for my sociology course.

I took the subway and then had to get a cab to Carrefour Laval, a mall in Laval, a Montreal outskirt that will be getting a connecting subway station in two weeks (see metro stops De la Concorde and Montmorency. Sadly, the public transportation right now isn't very good, so if i had wanted to get the bus, I would have had to wait 40 minutes for my bus at the subway station, and then 25 to get to the mall.

After paying $20, I found myself in the middle of one of the largest malls in Quebec and probably Canada. There was a tiny map that probably should be updated because it had no info. on where the Mac store was. I hurried as, at this point, I was 5 minutes short to being late.

I got to the store where my name was shown in funky, clean-cut Apple font, on the fancy LCD screen on the wall. It faded in and out to show I was up next. I looked around and wondered how I could ever take out my Dell Inspiron in a place like this, should I ever have to use it to connect to my iPod.

After being directed by a man who probably got his spring look inspiration from Steve Jobs (round-rimmed sleek glasses, some scruff on the face, an Apple t-shirt), I took a sit on a leather chair and waited around to be assisted by one of the geniuses. At this point, I was extremely excited, as they don't call these people geniuses for nothing. Right?

So, Mike came and he introduced himself as a Mac Genius. "Genius" appeared right on the chest of his black t-shirt, in minuscule writing, making me think once again of the Apple religion. When I explained the problem to him, he asked if I had a USB key or drive where I could transfer my data. I told him that I only had my computer, but that I had the USB connector to transfer the files that way. He asked me whether the computer was Apple and was shocked to find out that I had a Dell.

As he looked around nervously, trying to avoid looking at me, he said that I should understand this is an Apple space and that the geniuses of this store support Apple for obvious reasons. I told him I did understand, but that I could only afford a Dell. I suddenly felt discriminated for my choice of computers. Mike the genius said "boy, you really like to live on the edge, eh? Ancient iPod, Microsoft computer...you should really think about changing your lifestyle". I was ready to burst into laughter, but the idea that he wouldn't take this very well stopped me. This "genius" had the power of recovering my iPod.

He looked around, walked back and forth and came back, only to say that he had nothing for me. He said I should send it to Toronto, to some service where it takes five days for them to take a look at my iPod and decide whether or not it's doable to restore the thing. Disappointed, I headed to the nearest Godiva chocolate store and bought myself a chocolate bar.

As I walked away from the larger-than-life Apple logo, I thought about this man and how seriously he takes his work. The way in which he talked sounded as if he were revering to the ancient god of bitten apple. This is the Apple prayer space and anything non-Apple is sacrilegous to the fruit computer company.

Though my iPod didn't get fixed and I was late to class by an hour, this trip was so worth it. I'm never going to Carrefour Laval again. Not using public transportation, anyway.

Labels: Apple, funny, iPod, Laval, Montreal

Qesar visited last week and I met him for the first time ever. We had talked once at an Albanian Gay Forum and had kept in touch since, chatting on MSN, exchanging e-mails, etc.

It had only been a year ago that we started talking and at the time, I thought I'd never meet him as, of course, I am a big pessimist when it comes to distance. I felt like we had a lot in common, as we both came from a similar family setting. Though I'm out to my family, Qesar isn't, and for me, it felt like I was the big brother in this whole thing, guiding him on the way to someday being comfortable with whatever he decides to do about his sexuality.

Qesar and I also shared the mutual passion for anything Albanian, including men, so it was no wonder we kept in touch for a long time. Mind you, in the last six months, I think he did most of the work of updating me on what he has been up to, as being in Montreal and working away, I haven't been very good at keeping in contact with him, though I've thought often of his e-mails and messages that made me laugh at times.

This was Qesar's first time in Montreal, so we hung out for a long, long time. We went out together on Friday night and I met his zillion friends, the entourage that Qesar brought with him. :) . Miranda Bradshaw, her friend Princess Alya and Alya's friend, Prince D, joined us in going dancing that night.

Qesar's friends are so worth talking about and had I not had only 10 minutes to write (I'm in school... :P), I would have written a page for every single one of them. Instead, I will opt for something shorter about some of them.

Zane: Slightly feminine, super-friendly and bitchy (in that stereotypical gay way), very intelligent and sometimes silly, this young man speaks perfect Urdu and German...what's the likelihood of someone speaking these languages?

the highlight of my encounters with him was the story he told on Saturday night, where he recounted how earlier that day, he had bacon for the first time in his life. Apparently, he didn't know the plate had bacon when he ordered, but when he saw it later, he just shrugged and asked a friend to take a photo of him eating the bacon. "Well, I figured, I'm going to hell anyway, so why not try it? It's not like I don't drink or anything."

Monica: Smart, poetic and friendly, this young woman will someday amaze me with her writing. What she amazed me with this last weekend was the amount of energy she put in trying to convert gay men into being straight by showing them her breasts.

She also tried to get it on with a waiter at a restaurant, but the guy resisted the temptation. She did, however, let a bi stripper at a gay strip bar put his hands in her breasts and play with them. This was not necessarily the way I wanted to remember her, but it's definitely the way I remember her now. Oh, well.

Greg: Greg is made up of 235981456345876 nationalities. His mom belongs to four different ethnicities, as does his dad, so he is a melange parfait. He speaks perfect German and is quite down to earth. I went through his iPod and found out he listened to a lot of the music I listen to, including Freemasons' "I got love on my mind".

I liked Greg for not trying to be something he's not. His sarcasm was also quite funny, at times (though higher doses of it would be dangerous). Greg is the kind of guy you meet and know right away that you can be friends with them.

Out of the whole group, Qesar and Greg are definitely guys I can be good friends with.

Fareed: This Pakistani hottie shook his booty a bit too much in the two nights we went dancing. He also left early on Friday night to go to the gay strip bar with Zane, just so he could get some.
He also liked to play with handcuffs in the hotel room, including cuffing people and playing around with them.

I was touched by his story and wanted to hug him when he told me (and the rest of the group) that he had been molested when he was 10 by his Qur'an teacher in Pakistan. I had tears in my eyes and wondered why anyone had to go through something as horrible as that and was going to say something, but instead continued with my "observer" role and just listened instead to the stories he and others told.

I was attracted to Fareed, but I think it was simply physical. It was slightly odd, as we danced and suddenly, I felt the attraction was mutual...and i got my confirmation, too.

Danny: Danny was wonderful. He loved talking about his mom, whom he is convinced is lesbian. He loves talking about her as soon as he has a sip of a drink, whatever it is. We went out for dinner and he had Bailey's, followed by a cheesecake made of...guess what...Bailey's.

This Asian young man got a private lap dance at the strip bar we went to on Saturday night, courtesy of Fareed, who did this because of Danny's complaints that no one in Montreal liked him and this was no memorable weekend for him (that was my first night at a strip bar, ever, by the way...more on that sometime soon). He came back, serious and solemn, as if nothing had happened. We asked him what had happened.

He said the man pulled down his pants, let him look and approached him, asked Danny if he wanted to touch it. Danny touched it, and that was it. That's where US$20 went.

At a restaurant we went for a dinner to, Danny called up his bank, while the waiter stood in front of him, so he could check whether or not he had enough money in his account to pay for his meal. Out of the whole group, this guy is the winner in the 'funniest guy' category.

Adam: Adam was definitely the shyest of them all. A young Jewish man whose family found out about his sexuality through MySpace, Adam studies computer science.

Throughout the weekend, he had a number of witty comments that went ignored by the group, but I thought he was a nice guy. Overall, he has no sense of style, wearing Monica's white pearl necklace (I made him wear it so I could take a photo of it), but he is very friendly.

I asked him whether he practiced the Shabat and he said he didn't, though he said he practices parts of his religion.

I would have also liked to write about Chelsea, who was Monica's friend. She was also high on hormones and in need of some lay, so she kept fake humping with the guys, which I found extremely funny.

The whole group, though, is so diverse, I couldn't believe they were friends. Blacks, Jews, Muslims, Pakistanis, people from Trinidad and Tobago, Germany, Afghanistan, Macedonia.

It was a wonderful weekend knowing them. I may see them someday again.

i need to write about some things that bugged me that weekend, but more on that later.

Labels: Canada, friends, men, Montreal, Qesar, United States

Aside from Qesar's visit [which I will certainly write about tonight or some other time], this week's highlight has been AdamX's visit in the city.

We met at noon on Monday...After close to 18 hours together, we said bye on a Tuesday morning and for the first time in a while, I felt super-sad that it ended.

I want someone to steal Earl Grey teabags for me and apologize for the slightest thing they did, even if it means they have no control over it.

Someone who knows what the Office de la Langue Française means and is geeky enough to take a photo of it. Someone who knows little about Amnesty International but is willing to learn about it. :)

I want to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who has an infectious smile and who will risk a night of browsing Montreal to help me fix my ancient, broken iPod.

I wish I could spend a longer time with someone whose facial expressions make me laugh and warm inside.

AdamX gave me a taste of it and funny enough, I liked it.

I just wish life wasn't so complicated and distance didn't exist.

Labels: AdamX, men, Montreal

I'm in a state of temporary bliss after a great date I had last night with my MSN flirtie.

For the first time in a while, I had a date that actually looked promising. He's 22, a big fan of litterature, a writer [currently working on his first work of fiction], a sucker for Manet paintings [awww, so classic... :) ] ...

We met at 7ish and by the time I got home, it was almost 1 am.

I thought maybe i'd see him once more before I left, but already today, he was wondering if we could go to the Museum of Fine Arts on the weekend [after I, of course, invited him to come dancing with Julius Ceasar and I. Ceasar is visiting la ville from CT...I just couldn't resist not inviting him]. So, I think I will definitely see him before I leave town....and more than once.

I was late for work this morning, but I didn't really seem too worried about it when I told my supervisor I was sorry to be half an hour late. She waved it off and said, "hmmm, it's fine...your hickey makes up for it" ... that's when i covered up my neck :P

Labels: date, men, Montreal

Monday, March 26, 2007 - Provincial elections in Quebec. I went to vote, but unfortunately, couldn't, reason being, I haven't "officially" moved from NL (filled out a form with my new address). True, I didn't… Still, I wanted to vote for anyone but ADQ, Action Democratique du Quebec, an ultra right-wing party gaining power in Quebec. In fact, they gained so much power, they bumped Parti Quebecois, the province's leftist sovereignist party into the third place, getting in this way the balance of power in the first Quebec minority government in 129 years.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 - I showed "The Laramie Project", the film about Matthew Sheppard to my high school students, in an effort to create some sensitivity around the issue of gay rights.

For the most part, the students took it well. One student who wasn't answering questions I put out for the class to answer ("What is happening in the movie?" and "how do the characters feel?") said he couldn't answer them because as a Roman Catholic, he thought it went against his religion. I told him writing what he sees does not go against his religion. I think he was just being lazy. At one point, I lost the attention of the class. Everyone was talking, few were listening, and since regular talk doesn't work with these boys and girls, I yelled at the top of my lungs and gave them a lesson on how they should always show compassion to others, no matter who the others are. I was so angry to have lost their attention, I think they (and me, too) were frightened of my facial expression after my fit. I looked at my supervisor after giving this "talk". She looked traumatized.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 - Hanna, my Albanian student who is going to Kosova in just two months, presented her PhD research proposal at McGill on the state of Kosovar women in post-war Kosova. It was beautifully done. She has a great grasp of Kosovar culture, despite not being from there and despite only spending two weeks in Kosova a couple of years ago. After the proposal, we went to the McGill graduate student bar, where, out of all people, I saw my friend Ed who is usually in St.John's, so seeing him at the bar was super surprising. Hana and one of her friends had whiskey and cookies to celebrate (aside from their meal)…I stuck to water, roast beef sandwich (with horrible honey mustard seeds…ack…) and Oreo cheesecake…yummmm…

Thursday, March 29, 2007 - I went to a public discussion at McGill on racial profiling and police brutality. It was of particular interest to me because Khadijah Bennis, Anas Bennis' sister was there. I am writing a paper on Anas. Anas Bennis was shot twice by Montreal police on December 1, 2005, but no official version of the incident was given by the police, except for a short media release that said it was an act of self-defense because apparently, Anas Bennis, as he came out of the morning prayers from the mosque, made a run for the two officers on the street while he held a kitchen knife on his hand. The investigation, completed and finalized, was never submitted to the public, reason being "national security". A video from a neighbouring Bell Canada building, showing Anas Bennis being shot by the policeman was confiscated by the Montreal police and was never released to the family or shown to them. Khadijah said she doesn't know what that means because Anas was never implicated in any terrorist links.

Friday, March 30, 2007 - I interviewed Khadijah Bennis for my research paper. She is a super strong woman to be able to handle interview after interview after interview. I felt guilty for asking her to do another one, but she was very friendly and helpful. After the interview, I looked out onto St.Catherine street, where hundreds were coming and going everywhere, and I wondered why it had to be him, why we're so evil and mean, why we shun those different from us. It's naïve to ask these questions, but they are things that haunt me on an ongoing basis. I am saddened to see people like Khadijah who have lost a loved one, yet continue to hope for an explanation they so rightly deserve.

I went shopping so I would feel a bit better, though it didn't quite make a difference. I kept thinking about this young man and his death and how he died. He was not much older than me.

In the evening, Miranda Bradshaw, whom I was supposed to go dancing with, decided she is not into dancing and invited me to join her to visit Miss Chatterbox instead. We did, and had a lovely time. Miss Chatterbox is super-funny, witty and smart, and Mr Chatterbox is just as kind. They have a wonderful apartment at quite a good location and apparently, a great landlady.

I met Baroness Phoenicia, who loves dancing and hates photos. I am looking forward to going shaking it with her…

It was a wonderful night that ended at around 4 am (time I went to bed), only to start again two hours later for my weekend tennis club shift…la vita e bella :) ....By the way, these are Miranda Bradshaw's new shoes, not mine :P

Saturday, March 31 - A flirting session sprang from a regular chat with an acquaintance I met in Montreal six months ago. I told him I wanted to see him before we left and then he started saying he liked me, bla bla bla…We're going out for tea on Monday night.

Later on, my neighbour dropped by. A mix of Moroccan and Chinese ancestry, this young man is quite interesting. Two days ago, he knocked on my door and said he liked my music (Mika) and was wondering if he could borrow my CD. Last night, we had dinner together, where he revealed he is into transgendered women, though he doesn't like to call himself bi or gay because he still likes straight women. So I asked him if he was into guys and he added he liked very feminine guys…Hmmm, interesting. I'm glad I'm out of the picture :)

Over chinese noodles and his spices (he brought spices from his studio), we chatted about lots of things. He talked about how his mother is so controlling and how he only told his father, who said it's ok for him to be with men, but with transgendered women, that was pushing it a bit.

Sunday, April 01, 2007 - I started research for a paper due in two days on provincial jurisdiction drawn by the British North America Act of 1867. I may get to finish it up, though something tells me I won't. I've got dinner with Miranda Bradshaw and her buddies…it's her birthday.

The members of the tennis club are still talking about my table accident. Someone suggested today that the damage be reduced from my pay. Four others exclaimed that would be unfair and the person shut up. Oh, well, I suppose no more nice Arbër for him :)…

Today, I found out I won CAD $30 million on lotto 6/49.

$30 million? Ummm, nah, just an April fools' joke :)

Labels: Canada, everyday life, Friday, friends, funny, gay rights, homophobia, human rights, Islamophobia, men, Montreal, racial profiling

I just booked my ticket to go back to St.John's on May 3rd. It's sort of soon, as I have work until April 30th, but it was the only date I could find that was available free of charge (I used Aeroplan points to get there).

I'll be missing Montreal…In fact, I already do..Though I am a big critic of the street hygiene (dirty streets!) and the people's attitude (slightly cold), I have fallen in love with this town.

Labels: goodbye, Montreal, sad

Much has been said lately in Montreal about the issue of reasonable accomodation. In fact, mentioning the word around here gets people angry, laughing, sad, passionate and many other things that I can't list here.

Last week's elections showed what Quebecers care about most.

A few weeks ago, Mario Dumont, the ultra-conservative Action Democratique du Quebec leader slammed the 11-year old hijab-wearing girl from Ottawa, saying religious wear had no place in the public sphere. A few days later, when the Director General of Elections Quebec announced women wearing niqab (a head to toe covering) would be allowed to vote, Dumont, along with Jean Charest, the Liberal Party of Quebec leader, said it was unacceptable for the 10-15 niqab-wearing women of Quebec eligible to vote to come to a polling station covered up.

Politicians light fires. Quebecers got up in arms and called for ridiculous protests, wearing Halloween costumes to make Director's decision seem ridiculous and illogical.

Poor Director changed his decision two days later, after feeling the heat from ADQ and Liberal Party of Quebec sympathizers. The man received death threats . He now has two bodyguards following him, to make sure he is not killed because he said women who wear the niqab can vote.

If it's come to the point that provincial officials have to walk around using bodyguards, think how the 10-15 women across Quebec wearing the niqab will feel. The sad truth is, they will not vote because of their fear for security, and Quebecers will be happy.

Just another wave of anti-Muslim sentiment in la belle province…Oh, Canada.

Come back next week for a new wave of Islamophobia.

Labels: Canada, Islam, Islamophobia, Montreal

I am not writing about either one of those cities, as I know how depressing my writing has been lately.

Instead, I want to write about an excellent Friday and Saturday evening I had last week with Renée, a dear friend visiting from Ottawa. Renée was in town visiting a friend, so we got together at Orienthe and chatted for a while, sharing our own romantic dramas and issues. I, of course, said my most popular sentence ("Read my blog to find out more!" about five times.

Following Orienthe, we went to Renee's friend's house, who was expecting us along with his friend/girlfriend/other (Renee seems to be confused as to the kind of role this person/woman plays in Rihan's life) to go out for dinner.

We went to a restaurant on Prince Arthur street (a wide selection of restos for all tastes, if you're ever looking for a place) that Rihan had chosen. "From Damascus to Baghdad" had lighting that made me think of basements of Iraqi homes at wartime. It was so dim, I had difficulty reading what was on my menu.

Nonetheless, it was clean, busy and the staff were friendly (though I assume, new to the job, as the waitress who served us was pretty clumsy…She mistook an order for something else and just seemed like she was out of it…but she was still friendly).

Before I'd met Rihan, Renee had suggested that he was attractive for a straight guy. I thought about it and the minute I saw him, I knew he had betrayed his own kind. He, my loved ones, was a friend of the Dorothy. Well, if not a best friend of hers, then at least a very close acquaintance.

I don't know how, but we got talking about the topic of sexuality. I mentioned how in some Muslim countries, men resort to having sex with other men because they can't have sex with women until they marry them. So, I thought it was slightly strange that a men would have sex with another man until it was time to marry and then say "ciao ciao" to his male lover.

Rihan didn't see anything wrong in this. In fact, he admitted he didn't believe that humans could be heterosexual. Just like him, every human being has a tendency to be bisexual, said our sexual pariah who devours men and women alike. I looked for an approving look in Renee's face, but she was looking ways away, as if she hadn't been in the room.

The rest of the night was spent discussing politics, which Rihan sounded so passionate about. The part that was passionate was his strong will NOT to vote. When I told him if he doesn't vote, he has no right to complain for the government elected, he pretty much exploded. He was pretty passionate, so I just let it go :P

The girl sitting next to me must be pretty smart, as she's doing a Phd in genetics, but her people skills were slightly on the side. She talked about things I didn't find interesting and just had a super girly way of talking, which was kinda bothersome after a while… So, since I had to get up super early on Saturday, I ran out the door as fast as I could and made a date with Renee to meet the next night to go to Kermit's (one of the professors I work for) post-St.Patrick's Day party.

The night of the party, Renee decided she wouldn't show at my place, so she'd meet me at the party itself. Miranda Bradshaw canceled on me as well, so I was left with none other than Leonard, "the white Arab". I invited him to come to my apartment , but before I did that, I removed any signs of gay existence in the room (I'm not out to Leonard because I want to get to know him a bit better before I come out to him…coming out to fellow Kosovars is slightly more challenging than to other Canadians).

Leonard came in and settled while I changed and prepped myself up. He asked if he could check his e-mail. I said "of course! Go right ahead!"…and then it struck me: I had dozens of gay torrent and gay chat links under the address bar of my browser. Oh, well, I couldn't tell him: "wait, I have to do something for a second". He noticed them and said "wow, you have many gay links on your browser." I just said "umm, yeah, I know" … Three minutes later, we headed to the party as if nothing had happened. We talked about silly things while in the subway. He is a fun guy to talk with, for sure.

We got to the party. Being the non-drinker I am, I had taken a two-liter bottle of Tropicana mixed fruit juice. I thought Leonard could share in. Instead, he decided we should go get booze. So I asked him "So, you drink, eh?" and he replied "ya…I mean, I try to pray and all, but I'm not too good at it. I do have to say, though, that I am the most religious one in my family." I held myself from laughing once again, for the second time in two days.

The party was fun. I discovered Massive Attack, though I had heard one of their songs long time ago in a movie soundtrack. I also saw my Newfoundland compatriot Deborah, who shares in the same passion of social justice as I do, whom Leonard seemed to have fallen in love with, as all night, all they did was talk.

I left at around 3:30 am, only to go home with a girl. Dat's right, Renee came home with me that night and we talked until I fell asleep on her. That was apparently a first for her. Five minutes later, I shouted out "do you need a sleep mask?" and then went back to sleep.

It was kinda cool, though, only my second sleepover ever.

In the morning, I was late to work at 8 am (Renee asked what time I was supposed to be at work at 8:10), so she gave me a ride. When I came home that night, I had the following note from her:

Ah, women… you never CAN please them...

Labels: food, friends, Montreal, party, restaurant

I had a rather super-fulfilling week that left me asking for more, it was that good.

It started last Friday, when your blog hero called up a fellow Kosovar guy in his mid-twenties to go out for tea at a nearby tea shop (name of tea shop not to be disclosed due to risk of prejudice).

The encounter, of course, happened. However, much of the three-hour conversation revolved around the following topics:

A - The dating mentality of women,

B - The rules for dating women in Montreal, and

C - The rules for dating women in Kosovo.

D - General differences among the women of Kosovo and Montreal.

Now, none of these would have been discussed had it not been for Artan, a super-open former public service employee in Kosovo who happens to find himself in Canada for the first time in his life and who, in the last two months, as confessed to me and Leonard (my Kosovar friend), hasn't had any sex.

The man whom Leonard brought along because he wanted me to experience what he had to live through day and night (Leonard, while Artan was in the washroom, whispered: "Damn, why did I give him my cell number? He's worse than depressed women. All he does is talk about how he really needs to get laid." )

After much talk, the following was concluded about the above-mentioned four points:

A- Women like to be approached sometimes, and other times they don't. It all depends on the time of the month and how attractive you appear to them. Oh, and some times, they like to approach you.

B- Rule number one of dating women in Montreal: Don't be too forward. Play it cool, pretend you're so into you, you don't see the women around you. In fact, pretend you're so into you, you don't care about women (I can do this one easily)

You also have to always think women drool when they see you.

Physical features help get your point across, which is why Artan is in the gym four days a week (Leonard has given up…he's been here 8 years now)

Leonard showed a perfect example of what attraction can do: He pointed at Artan and said "Well, you're buffed up, but let's be honest, you gotta work on approaching them. I mean, some guys are so hot they don't even need to lift their fingers. They get anything they want. You (points at Artan), have a lot of work to do." I, of course, laughed, as I had, for a long time, forgotten how honest Kosovars can be sometimes. At least he didn't lie….Besides, it was a perfect example.

C- You have to be super-careful when dating women in Kosovo. Women in Kosovo dress in a very minimalist style, that is, they've embraced the post-modern fashion wear that's been promoted by all the who's whos and what's whats of the world. By post-modern minimalist fashion wear, I mean synonym for "skankiness".

So, back to Kosovar women (age 18-35, we're talking about).

In the words of Artan, this change of fashion wear comes partly from women's freedom to wear whatever they want. However, according to the "expert", this sudden boost in sales of tall leather boots and short mini-skirts, complemented by tight tees and belly-button piercings comes from competition that Kosovar women have. As Amnesty International and a number of other human rights groups have reported in the previous few years, Kosova has become the breeding ground for trafficked women forced into prostitution.

So, what Artan was saying is that Kosovar women now have to compete with Moldovan, Russian, Bulgarian and Romanian trafficked women, who are available to UN staff and NATO soldiers for ummm, well, money that Kosovar men can't afford.

In fact, Artan complained that ever since the war ended in the summer of '99, Kosovar women have seen the influx of hundreds of thousands of men coming for international, policy, aid and entertainment work in Kosova as a passport for their exit from Kosova. It doesn't matter how unattractive the men are. Their passports are doing the job, according to Artan.

As a result, poor Kosovar men who earn CAD$100, if they are lucky (Kosova's unemployment rate is upwards 60%) are left drooling, hoping that some girl will take pity on them.

D- General differences between the women of Prishtina and Montreal: In Montreal, you can meet a girl at a bar, have a one-night stand and get over it. Maybe you exchange numbers.

In Prishtina, you can meet a girl at a bar, have a one-night stand and get over it, but you will have the girl's family knocking on your door the next day. Though most Kosovar cities have become extremely liberal in this sense and families don't care what their sons and daughters do, the concept of sex for sex sake is still shameful in the Kosovar society at large and as such, is not practiced openly very often. You will not have a choice but to exchange numbers, after your one-night stand in Prishtina.

Artan, the man who's only been here for two months, already had a suggestion for a business:

Let's have a dating service for Albanian women and Canadian men. It's only logical, according to our little entrepeneur. It would be sort of like the Russian mail-in bride service, only it would have much prettier women, Kosovar women desperate to get out of the uncertainty and ready to live a full life.

I hope it is understood that my role in this conversation was simply as an observer and that aside from this, my participation in the discussion was minimal. As someone who takes no interest in women sexually, anthropologically and sociologically, I found this discussion most enlightening. I had objections, in fact, many of them, to the comments made generalizing the way women are in Prishtina and Montreal, but I decided to hold them off and listen to what these two intelligent men had to say, as I am not always exposed to raw points of view like this.

Leonard talked about his 12-year old brother, and how his little brother shares all the girl stories with him and how Leonard loves to give him advice, not just about the girls, but anything because he knows what it's like to be 12 and not have anyone to tell intimate things to. I thought about this and felt so much like hugging Leonard. I'm not being dirty, so get your dirty mind elsewhere :) …I remembered what I was like when I was twelve…My brothers had both been away and when they were home, I was the one listening to their stories… I didn't mind it then and I don't mind it now that I grew up that way.

I am just happy that Leonard is doing something because he knows what it's like to go through hard times. Some people forget, so it's good to know he remembers. That's why I would have given him a hug.

At the end of the day, Leonard suggested to Artan he go to the Village as he said there, no one cares about the rules. "You either jump a guy or you get jumped by one" were Leonard's wise words. We all laughed and Artan said if he doesn't get a woman soon, he just might have to resort to the last possible option…

Little does he know the Village is all about the rules, and that it matters a lot what your physical features are, how old you are, what label you're wearing, etc.

As I left, I told Leonard I was meeting my friend Renee later in the day. They were quite interested in meeting her, so I told them Renee was into Arab men. They said they didn't mind pretending they were white Arabs. They almost convinced me, too.. If the two weren't so desperate, I could have laughed. But instead, I hugged them both and wished Artan all the best.

Labels: albanian, Friday, friends, funny, Kosova, Kosovo, Montreal, shqip