I had a rather super-fulfilling week that left me asking for more, it was that good.
It started last Friday, when your blog hero called up a fellow Kosovar guy in his mid-twenties to go out for tea at a nearby tea shop (name of tea shop not to be disclosed due to risk of prejudice).
The encounter, of course, happened. However, much of the three-hour conversation revolved around the following topics:
A - The dating mentality of women,
B - The rules for dating women in Montreal, and
C - The rules for dating women in Kosovo.
D - General differences among the women of Kosovo and Montreal.
Now, none of these would have been discussed had it not been for Artan, a super-open former public service employee in Kosovo who happens to find himself in Canada for the first time in his life and who, in the last two months, as confessed to me and Leonard (my Kosovar friend), hasn't had any sex.
The man whom Leonard brought along because he wanted me to experience what he had to live through day and night (Leonard, while Artan was in the washroom, whispered: "Damn, why did I give him my cell number? He's worse than depressed women. All he does is talk about how he really needs to get laid." )
After much talk, the following was concluded about the above-mentioned four points:
A- Women like to be approached sometimes, and other times they don't. It all depends on the time of the month and how attractive you appear to them. Oh, and some times, they like to approach you.
B- Rule number one of dating women in Montreal: Don't be too forward. Play it cool, pretend you're so into you, you don't see the women around you. In fact, pretend you're so into you, you don't care about women (I can do this one easily)
You also have to always think women drool when they see you.
Physical features help get your point across, which is why Artan is in the gym four days a week (Leonard has given up…he's been here 8 years now)
Leonard showed a perfect example of what attraction can do: He pointed at Artan and said "Well, you're buffed up, but let's be honest, you gotta work on approaching them. I mean, some guys are so hot they don't even need to lift their fingers. They get anything they want. You (points at Artan), have a lot of work to do." I, of course, laughed, as I had, for a long time, forgotten how honest Kosovars can be sometimes. At least he didn't lie….Besides, it was a perfect example.
C- You have to be super-careful when dating women in Kosovo. Women in Kosovo dress in a very minimalist style, that is, they've embraced the post-modern fashion wear that's been promoted by all the who's whos and what's whats of the world. By post-modern minimalist fashion wear, I mean synonym for "skankiness".
So, back to Kosovar women (age 18-35, we're talking about).
In the words of Artan, this change of fashion wear comes partly from women's freedom to wear whatever they want. However, according to the "expert", this sudden boost in sales of tall leather boots and short mini-skirts, complemented by tight tees and belly-button piercings comes from competition that Kosovar women have. As Amnesty International and a number of other human rights groups have reported in the previous few years, Kosova has become the breeding ground for trafficked women forced into prostitution.
So, what Artan was saying is that Kosovar women now have to compete with Moldovan, Russian, Bulgarian and Romanian trafficked women, who are available to UN staff and NATO soldiers for ummm, well, money that Kosovar men can't afford.
In fact, Artan complained that ever since the war ended in the summer of '99, Kosovar women have seen the influx of hundreds of thousands of men coming for international, policy, aid and entertainment work in Kosova as a passport for their exit from Kosova. It doesn't matter how unattractive the men are. Their passports are doing the job, according to Artan.
As a result, poor Kosovar men who earn CAD$100, if they are lucky (Kosova's unemployment rate is upwards 60%) are left drooling, hoping that some girl will take pity on them.
D- General differences between the women of Prishtina and Montreal: In Montreal, you can meet a girl at a bar, have a one-night stand and get over it. Maybe you exchange numbers.
In Prishtina, you can meet a girl at a bar, have a one-night stand and get over it, but you will have the girl's family knocking on your door the next day. Though most Kosovar cities have become extremely liberal in this sense and families don't care what their sons and daughters do, the concept of sex for sex sake is still shameful in the Kosovar society at large and as such, is not practiced openly very often. You will not have a choice but to exchange numbers, after your one-night stand in Prishtina.
Artan, the man who's only been here for two months, already had a suggestion for a business:
Let's have a dating service for Albanian women and Canadian men. It's only logical, according to our little entrepeneur. It would be sort of like the Russian mail-in bride service, only it would have much prettier women, Kosovar women desperate to get out of the uncertainty and ready to live a full life.
I hope it is understood that my role in this conversation was simply as an observer and that aside from this, my participation in the discussion was minimal. As someone who takes no interest in women sexually, anthropologically and sociologically, I found this discussion most enlightening. I had objections, in fact, many of them, to the comments made generalizing the way women are in Prishtina and Montreal, but I decided to hold them off and listen to what these two intelligent men had to say, as I am not always exposed to raw points of view like this.
Leonard talked about his 12-year old brother, and how his little brother shares all the girl stories with him and how Leonard loves to give him advice, not just about the girls, but anything because he knows what it's like to be 12 and not have anyone to tell intimate things to. I thought about this and felt so much like hugging Leonard. I'm not being dirty, so get your dirty mind elsewhere :) …I remembered what I was like when I was twelve…My brothers had both been away and when they were home, I was the one listening to their stories… I didn't mind it then and I don't mind it now that I grew up that way.
I am just happy that Leonard is doing something because he knows what it's like to go through hard times. Some people forget, so it's good to know he remembers. That's why I would have given him a hug.
At the end of the day, Leonard suggested to Artan he go to the Village as he said there, no one cares about the rules. "You either jump a guy or you get jumped by one" were Leonard's wise words. We all laughed and Artan said if he doesn't get a woman soon, he just might have to resort to the last possible option…
Little does he know the Village is all about the rules, and that it matters a lot what your physical features are, how old you are, what label you're wearing, etc.
As I left, I told Leonard I was meeting my friend Renee later in the day. They were quite interested in meeting her, so I told them Renee was into Arab men. They said they didn't mind pretending they were white Arabs. They almost convinced me, too.. If the two weren't so desperate, I could have laughed. But instead, I hugged them both and wished Artan all the best.
Labels: albanian, Friday, friends, funny, Kosova, Kosovo, Montreal, shqip
